Brown Dense and the Hogs


Yes, it’s true:  I have changed the name of my brown Lab to “Brown Dense”. Actually, it fits her perfectly.

Since the article in the local paper and the write up covering my service club talk hit the press, I have been covered up with comments, e-mails and phone calls—and no, caller from Pine Bluff—I don’t think the play will extend to Pine Bluff, and I’m not interested in leasing your land.—same message to the caller from Hope.

Of course, there have been a few naysayers out there that have poo–pooed my comments, but that’s stupidity talking. I have a bet out that we will see 1000 barrels of oil per day equivalent (with the natural gas + the oil energy equivalent.) no takers so far, not even the naysayers.

But let’s move on to another subject: Hog Football—heck it’s just three months until we’ll be heading north to check out that new or maybe halfway new coach. I’ve been trying to figure out why old Frank is spending so much time in John L. office. One of my sources told me they heard the word “pooch” as in pooch kick, emitting from one meeting. I Iimmediately plugged that into my calculations, and we’re down to a 4-7 season and John L. gets the Harley Hog and a pair of dark sunglasses.

But seriously, if we get one good break against Alabama, and maybe two against LSU, we could be working on John L’s 30 foot bronze and a zillion dollar bonus. Stay tuned for the latest. I have a source at the University—uh, what university? Well, there’s only one—another update next week. And now The Richard will answer the question of the day.

A question for The Richard: 

What’s going on over at the Game and Fish Commission?


E. Mahony

Caledonia, AR

First off, Mr. E. Mahony, you have mis-spelled your name. Spell-check says it’s ‘Mahoney’, and it’s not the ‘Game and Fish Commission’. Nope, it’s now called the CHHF, (The Commission for the Harassment of Hunters and Fishermen)—part of PETA’s master plan to disarm the citizens of our fair state.

Possible answers:

(1) The Commissioners are quietly writing an amendment to the Arkansas constitution that would make the Commission accountable only to God, and only if God actually writes it in the sky.

(2) The Commission is concerned about over-hunting of turkeys, and new regulations will make the shooting of immature Toms illegal. An immature Tom is considered any male turkey under the age of accountability.

(3) There is an ongoing discussion to have Sheffield Nelson either deported to North Korea, or declared a nuisance animal along with coyotes and beavers.

The Richard says:

Answer: It would be a cop-out to say all of the above, but it would be true. However, my sources tell me other factors are in play, such as naming rights to the Washington County Wildlife Refuge on the Old Main Commons, and whether to list the Faulk Monster as an endangered species.


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